Zilla died in my arms Christmas eve. I had sat in the bed most of day watching Tv and just holding her.
It's been two months and my heart still aches and her place is still empty in my bed.

I have so many unanswered questions. So many if onlys...and they continue to plague me. I spend endless hours trying to find answers to questions that could possibly effect the other cats still with me. The only thing I am sure of, is that the answers I seek are just not out there.

The research being currently pursued is in my opinion pointless. Even if the genetic markers are isolated and identified, there will not be a practical treatment resulting from this research. Genetic treatments are being used with some cancers now quite successfully, but let's be realistic here...Not only is it unlikely this will product a treatment, but even if it did, who could possibly afford it?
I can't even imagine the cost of a specific cat genetic treatment.
I really can't respect research just for the sake of research. There are real people, and real cats out there that need real treatments. This disease is for all intents and purposes 100% fatal....
it makes someone like me just want to scream in utter frustration, while my cats die around me.
DO I care too much? have somehow the cats become too important?...I just don't think that is the case. I think it is when people don't care enough there is a problem, but I am tired of all questions and no answers.

In the spring when we have moved, I will bury Zilla in a new garden I will create for her. Somehow I wish I was getting more comfort from that thought then I am.
I hope I am not losing perspective...or is that my mind??