Here's a picture of Zilla and Twittens on my bed.
(that's Puff's back you see in the background)
I recently read a very scientific article that leads me to believe that allowing the cats to all stay together may have caused further exposure to some of the cats. I am not sure. The article is very difficult to understand even with my science background.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19122397?ordinalpos=1&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_DefaultReportPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum
IF this is true, then the question is, did I make a bad choice? should I have them all segregated into rooms? Would that stress caused more FIP as well? Whom would I have put where to ease their stress? IT presents more questions then it answers.
I can't answer those questions, though the guilt I feel is substantial.
I know this though...there is good and evil in this world, and this disease is evil, however if there was actually a devil, then he really missed an opportunity, as I would have given anything to keep Zilla.
I have never missed a pet like I miss her.
I have never felt like throwing myself on the floor and pounding and screaming at the unfairness, and yet, this is how I feel about losing Zilla.
I love all my cats, and I try and love them all the same, but some are just special. Zilla was very special, and not just because she was a bottle baby, I've hand raised quite a few kittens in the last 25 years. And she certainly was not the most affectionate, she was spunky and demanding.
Had to have things her way...I even cleaned out the bottom glass shelf in my display case in the bedroom, because she liked to sit in there and eat all by herself. Eat the chicken and turkey babyfood and homecooked poultry that were the few things she'd eat. Though she did nibble on a little dry as well.
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I can understand totally the question of should I separate or not. Am I being fair to my kitties by exposing them to the FeLV? I have little faith in the vacines to protect them. The guilt can sometimes be very strong. However, I pamper by kitties and am devoted to giving them the best life I can while I have them. They live day to day, they have no concept of tomorrow. They do not realize that tomorrow they may feel worse or better. They only know how they feel now. So I try to make them comfortable and happy now. If they are not feeling good I give them extra special attention and they have always appreciated it. Even though you miss Zilla and you felt bad because she was sick and you knew she would die, she probably knew it also, however she did not know that she should have lived another 15 or so years. To her this was just the way it was. She didn't blame anyone, she didn't ask why. Nothing is more heart breaking than seeing a pet or a person you love sick and feeling so helpless but rest assured she was comforted by your very presence.
ReplyDeleteI think the hardest death of a pet I've been thru was the pup I had with Parvo. Like a good little mommy I took him to the vet and they put him in a cage and did all the stuff they do to no avail. He died 3 days later. I still kick myself for not bringing him home and treating him in the comfort of his home and showering him with attention, would it have made a difference? I'll never know. I do know he died alone in a cage on a Saturday night. Sunday morning when the vet assistant went in to check on the animals she called me that she had found him dead. That guilt has eaten at me for over 10 years. I had never experienced Parvo before, it is a horrible illness. I recently read that they are using Tamiflu to treat it now and having very good results.
I do believe they will someday find something that will help with these viruses. I doubt a cure too but maybe something to improve the survival rate. Viruses mutate so rapidly that if they do find a cure another one just as bad will pop up. But it's a fight worth fighting.